Thursday, September 16, 2010

I'm Not Supposed To Be Here

I did not sign up to be a pastor's wife. But I knew gals who did. When I was in college, I would ask a fellow chick, "What do you want to do with your major?" To which she would say, out of her utter sweetness, "I just want to be a pastor's wife." What? I didn't know that was a career goal! If I had, maybe I would have thought outside the box a little more about my plans and changed them to, "Independently Wealthy Free Agent."

I hesitate to say my husband was "called to ministry", because all followers of Christ are called in this way:
Then Jesus came up and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." Matthew 28:18-20, NETBible
There was a definite time, though,  when he felt the burden for ministry, as the shepherd feels a responsibility for his flock. And my point is - this was after we were married! Worse, this was in our first year of marriage. I was shocked and sort of upset that he couldn't have made me aware of this before I agreed to marry him! I mean, I do NOT fit the traditional pastor's wife role - at least the caricature I had in my mind. I don't wear makeup every day, and I almost never do my hair. I don't usually wear dresses at all, let alone to church. But I'm also not frump girl. I wasn't sure at this point whether or not I wanted children. I did not see myself saying Hello! to everyone with that lovely pastor's wife smile.

But I could not deny his calling; in fact, I knew it was from the Lord. And when he has accepted to seminary with a presidential scholarship, I had to stop thinking about myself for a minute and instead think about an entirely new calling on our marriage - a pastor and pastor's wife, joined together by God for His purposes. We had already dedicated our marriage to God and knew ministry would be a part of our lives. Now, it would be weaved through our lives in a very unique way.

Now that I have been a pastor's wife for a bit, I feel sorry for these girls who dreamed of becoming a pastor's wife. It is very different from what I thought it would be, and I'm sure it is for them too. My husband and I have hit many snags along the road, but God has seen us through every second and has made our marriage so much stronger by His grace.

God, you have called us with purpose, just as you did with the apostles (Mark 3:13-19), and just as you do with all believers. I thank you for how you are using this journey to teach me more about you. I pray that I would not feel sorry for myself ~ because your will is good and your plan is perfect. Transform me more today into the woman you want me to be.

1 comment:

  1. yet another time I can totally relate--my husband and I were married a year and a half when he felt called to full time ministry--dropping out his (lucrative) PhD biophysics program for youth ministry. That was just a year ago and we're still in limbo land, but when God calls, God provides.